Lost Lust
The first thing you need to know about me is this:
I : Lost :: Beavis : Soda
I am Lostholio.
The mere mention of anything Lost will send me into a quivering fit, and so, mere hours before the long-awaited premiere of Season Four (tonight on ABC, 8pm EST/7pm CST), you can only imagine the trouble with which I am composing this piece, forcing my wee chubby fingers to overcome the excited agita that has wholly seized me for its own as I positively vibrate with anticipation.
When Mannion asked me, well aware of my Lost lust, to write a little something about the show in honor of its return, I thought I certainly could. How could I not write something about I show I so adore? I’ve done it before, surely I can do it again. The thing is, Lost is a hard show to talk about with a general audienceâ€â€one doesn’t want to spoil anything for people who haven’t seen it, even as one can’t believe such people actually exist, and yet it’s nearly impossible to convey the enormity of its brilliance without the details. And one wants to talk about every infinitesimal detail with other fans, because broad strokes aren’t sufficient. “Did you notice that it was Nadia, the girl Sayid helped escape in Iraq, whom Charlie saved from the mugging in London and whose house Locke was inspecting in California?” Yeah, stranded on an island blah blah, but all this other stuff, too!
Which is why my friend Joanna, who got me hooked on the show, and I can spend embarrassing amounts of time amusing one another by discussing Lost like two LOLcats on speed.
Jo: And then you were like, “Dude!” and I was like “I know!” and then Locke was all “Claire I made you a Bugaboo stroller out of palm fronds and dung beetles” and Kate was all “I can haz fish biskut?” and Benry was all “My dad was mean to me that’s how come I kill people” and Walt was like “Rapid puberty feels like climbing the ropes in gym class at 147 mph.”
Me: And Michael was all “My son! My son!” and Jin was all “Udders! Udders!” and Sun was like “I know English and he’s saying Others” and Kate was all “Zuh? You know English? Cool.” and Sawyer was all “Amusing pop culture reference” and Rose and Bernard were all “Why aren’t we in the show more because we’re totally awesome” and Juliet was all “Benry?” and Benry was all “I’ll kill all you bitchez” and Desmond was all “Something something, brutha” and Hurley was like “Dude.”
Jo: And then we were all LOLLERSKATES, and Jack was all, “Waah” and Kate was all, “I’m wearing nothing but panties for no reason” and Sawyer was like, “Southern colloquialism” and Claire was like “Mah behbeh where is mah behbeh” and the Dharma people were all “We are creepy and mysterious and will steal your baby” and the island was all “I contain numerous secrets” and JJ Abrams was like “I have captured your imagination” and we were all kthx show us more making out and Jack was like “I’m wearing blue pajamas” and we were all let’s make babiez.
Me: And Mikhail was all “Eyepatches are the shizznit” and Roger Workman was all “My last name is Linus!” and Mister Eko was all “smoldering look” and Libby was all “Damn DUI!” and Anthony Cooper was all “I can haz kidnee?” and the column of smoke was all “It’s weird how I sound like a machine, right?” and the smaller island was all “Surprise!” and Locke was all “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” and Jacob was all “Now you see me; now you don’t!” and Richard was all “I look like I’m wearing eyeliner, don’t I?” and Christian was all “Jo and Liss totally want to blow me” and Jo and Liss were all “We totally do.”
That was for the Losties among us. And this is for those who have never seen the show my Scottish husband calls “the best fooking shoo in the histoory oof shoos,” but are secretly beginning to suspect that failing to watch it was a bad decision:
Go here, where you will find an amusing recap of the show so farâ€â€Everything You Need to Know about Lost in 8 minutes 15 seconds.
And then tune in tonight for the season premiere (ABC, 8pm EST/7pm CST). It’s gonna be great.
Let the jittering commence.
- "The Legend Lives on from the Chippewa on Down"
- A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words
- Let's Show What We Know
Add New Comment
Viewing 8 Comments
Thanks. Your comment is awaiting approval by a moderator.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Add New Comment
Trackbacks
(Trackback URL)