newcritics

Last month I had the good fortune of attending one of my friends’ Sharon and Pat’s book parties. They have them from time to time to celebrate friends who are publishing memoirs, and they always include an interesting and diverse group of women, good food and excellent conversation. The author is always in attendance and I always look forward to the chance to hear about her writing process and herself.

This past book party was in honor of Paula Kamen’s new book Finding Iris Chang: Friendship, Ambition, and the Loss of an Extraordinary Mind, about her exploration of her friendship with Iris and the events that lead up to Iris’s suicide in 2004. I had met Paula at other book parties, and it is always a treat to see her.

I loved the book. To me it was fascinating on several levels. At its base, it’s the story of a long-term friendship and how that changes over time. It shows us how much we don’t know about each other, and also we impact each other, without our knowledge. It’s a look into Iris’s mind, through personal correspondence and interviews with close friends. As Paula says in her introduction, it gives us a glimpse into what it is like to be truly extraordinary. This is a book about a woman who was exceptionally intelligent and driven, and who truly cared for and cheered on those that she loved. The layer about mental illness, though, is the one I have been thinking about all month. The book is about hidden secrets and how those secrets destroyed a life.

Maybe because it’s the holidays and crazy relatives are front and center in my life, but mental illness has been floating back and forth in my mind lately. The one idea hit home the hardest for me in this book was about the mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder, which ultimately killed Iris. She was driven in a way I can’t even begin to understand, and achieved heights I never will, but she was also tormented by inner demons that I do not have.

I admire Paula for taking on this subject and seeing the need for more open discussions of mental illness and suicide. She found that psychiatry looks for depression and signs of mental illness that is very biased towards white cultural norms. Asian Americans have to overcome a double set of cultural norms with mental illness – the cultural norm of not discussing what is wrong and of having mental illness manifest or act out in different ways. We need to be more aware of red flags. Paula writes how people dismissed warning signs as Iris being excitable, or because people don’t want to see what is wrong, until it’s too late.

Today Heather Armstrong of Dooce writes about her own struggles of mental illness. I have always admired her frankness towards her own life. She is courageous and I thank her for telling us her story, so that others may tell her own. That’s what I’m taking away from Paula’s book, that we should seek help when we need it, and that needing help will not hurt us. I think embracing ourselves and our faults will make us stronger.

Today also marks the 70th anniversary of the Rape of Nanjing. Iris made her name on telling the world that story. It was probably the hardest book I’ve ever read, but one I was extremely glad to have read. This book makes you wonder if Iris’s suicide was preventable, and it probably was if people had been able to see warning signs. It’s hard to know, though, as hindsight makes it easy to judge the past. Iris has been a symbol for many groups, and I hope that now she can help others seek help.

I encourage you all to read this book. The topic may not sound the sunniest, but it’s an intriguing look at, well, what it’s like to be truly extraordinary. Iris was a fascinating person, and it’s interesting to see how her determination and work ethic got her so far. She believed in making the world better by showing it its faults, and I think her advocacy was vital in opening up the world further. This book also shows us the importance at facing our fears about ourselves and getting help.

For more reading about Paula and Iris, see Salon’s interview with Paula, and Paula’s eulogy for Iris, which in some ways started this entire journey.

This is cross-posted at my blog.