The Shamus’ Back To College Edition!


The Shamus has crunched the numbers and realized that it’s been 25 years since I graduated from college. I feel little nostalgia or romance toward my university years. My English degree was the biggest scam I ever pulled off, especially since I rarely went to class or wrote a paper before the night it was due. And, still, I managed to get good grades. It did allow me to work on my college newspaper, extend my strikeout record with girls and, perhaps most important, it kept me from having to work full-time for a few more years. My framed diploma has resided for over a decade in the trunk of my car. At one point, it hung above my toilet. That says it all, doesn’t it? But college on film? That’s something else. Time for a special Shamus List on college films:

HIPPEST ENGLISH PROFESSOR:
Prof. Dave Jennings (Donald Sutherland), “Animal House.”
The three reasons why:
1. Smokes dope with students
2. Sleeps with Karen Allen
3. Finds Milton boring. “Mrs. Milton found him boring, too.”


HOTTEST COLLEGE PROFESSOR (MALE):
Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford), “Raiders of the Lost Ark”
Runner-up: Dr. Noah Praetorius (Cary Grant), “People Will Talk”

HOTTEST COLLEGE PROFESSOR (FEMALE):
Diane Stevens (Sybil Danning), “They’re Playing With Fire”

HIPPEST ‘60s GRAD STUDENT:
Elliot Gould, “Getting Straight”

MOST SCREWED-UP COLLEGE STUDENT:
Hamlet, “Hamlet.”

MOST SCREWED-UP COLLEGE PROFESSOR:
Grady Tripp (Michael Douglas), “Wonder Boys”
Runner-up: Bernard Berkman (Jeff Daniels), “The Squid and the Whale”

BEST COLLEGE PROFESSOR NAME:
Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff, president of Huxley U, “Horse Feathers”

UNLIKELIEST ’60s PROFESSOR
Anthony Quinn, “R.P.M.”

WOULDN’T YOU HATE TO BE IN HIS CLASS THE NEXT MORNING?
George (Richard Burton), “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?”


BEST COLLEGE PROFESSOR SEX:
Eddie and Emily Jessup (William Hurt and Blair Brown), “Altered States”

BEST COLLEGE PROFESSOR NAME MISPRONUNCIATION:
“Frankenstein” instead of “Fronkensteen,” “Young Frankenstein”

NUTTIEST PROFESSOR INVENTION:
Wood-resistant fluid for baseballs, “It Happens Every Spring”

NUTTIEST PROFESSOR:
Peter O’Toole, “Creator,” who tries to clone his dead wife.

SADDEST PROFESSOR:
Isak Borg, “Wild Strawberries”
Runner-up: Eddie Murphy, “The Nutty Professor”

SADDEST IVY LEAGUE ROMANCE:
Oliver Barrett IV and Jennifer Cavalieri (Ryan O’Neal, Ali MacGraw), “Love Story”

BEST COLLEGE ROAD TRIP:
Walter “Gib” Gibson and Alison Bradbury (John Cusack, Daphne Zuniga), “The Sure Thing”

BEST SPRING BREAK MOVIE:
“Where The Boys Are”

BEST COLLEGE FILM (SILENT):
Ernst Lubitsch’s “The Student Prince In Old Heidelberg”

BEST COLLEGE JOKE:
“I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.” — Alvy Singer (Woody Allen), “Annie Hall”

COLLEGE EXPERIMENT I MISSED OUT ON:
“The Harrad Experiment.”

COLLEGE MOVIE I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE:
“Sex Kittens Go To College.”


BEST COLLEGE PET:
Bonzo.

STUDENT YOU’D NEVER WANT TO ATTEND MEDICAL COLLEGE WITH:
Patch Adams.

WORST PLAN TO GET INTO HARVARD:
C. Thomas Howell in blackface in “Soul Man.”

HARVARD FILM THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER:
“Harvard Man.” But it did have Sarah Michelle Gellar.

BEST LAST LINE IN A COLLEGE FILM:
“Waaaaaaaake up!” Spike Lee’s “School Daze”

PROFESSOR KINGSFIELD, YOU’VE GOT A LOVELY DAUGHTER:
Lindsey Wagner, “The Paper Chase”

BEST RICH KID COLLEGIATES:
Whit Stillman’s “Metropolitan”

BEST COLLEGE TOWNIES:
“Breaking Away”

BEST FRAT BOY: Bluto.

MOST UNLIKELY COLLEGE ROOMIES:
Jack Nicholson and Art Garfunkel, “Carnal Knowledge”

BEST COLLEGE GIRLFRIEND:
Candice Bergen, “Getting Straight” and “Carnal Knowledge”

BEST COLLEGE FLASHBACK SCENE:
Katie and Hubbell (Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford), “The Way We Were”

FAVORITE COLLEGE COACH:
Bill Bowerman (Donald Sutherland), “Without Limits”.
Runners-up: Knute Rockne (Pat O’Brien), “Knute Rockne-All American”
Herb Brooks (Kurt Russell), “Miracle”


TRUEST COLLEGE QUOTE IN A COLLEGE FILM:
“And I say to you gentlemen that this college is a failure. The trouble is we’re neglecting football for education.”
— Wagstaff, “Horse Feathers”

BEST ARGUMENT IN A COLLEGE CLASSROOM:
Isaac (Woody Allen) and professor friend Yale (Michael Murphy) while a skeleton looks on, “Manhattan”:
Yale: You are so self-righteous, you know. I mean we’re just people. We’re just human beings, you know. You think you’re God.
Isaac: I gotta model myself after somebody.

SECOND BEST ARGUMENT IN A COLLEGE CLASSROOM:
James Hart (Timothy Bottoms) and Professor Kingsfield (John Houseman), “The Paper Chase:
Hart: You are a SON OF A BITCH, Kingsfield.
Kingsfield: Mr. Hart! That is the most intelligent thing you’ve said all day. You may take your seat.

BEST COLLEGE SONG:
“I’m Against It,” from “Horse Feathers”

I don’t know what they have to say
It makes no difference anyway
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
No matter what it is or who commenced it, I’m against it!

SECOND BEST COLLEGE SONG:
“I Gave My Love A Cherry,” from “Animal House”

BEST ALUMNI WEEKEND:
(Tie): “Return of the Secaucus Seven,” “The Big Chill”

OLD COLLEGE FRIEND YOU NEVER WANT TO MEET AGAIN:
Gavin Elster, who leads Det. Scottie Ferguson (James Stewart) astray, “Vertigo.”
Runners-up: Graham (James Spader), “Sex, Lies and Videotape”; Frank The Tank (Will Ferrell), “Old School.”

THREE REASONS THAT COLLEGE KIDS AREN’T SO SMART AFTER ALL:
1. “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”
2. “The Blair Witch Project”
3. “Hostel.”

OK, what favorite college films or college film categories of yours did I miss?

Possibly Related Classroom Projects From DonorsChoose.org Powered by Social Actions

Information and Links

Join the fray by commenting, tracking what others have to say, or linking to it from your blog.

Information
September 13th, 2007
Comments
Feeds and Links
Comment Feed
From This Author
Del.icio.us
Digg
Technorati
Categories
Uncategorized

Other Posts
Live-Blogging Mad Men: Here Is New York?
Led Zeppelin To Do A Benefit Show

Readers

Shop newcritics

Featured books:


Viewing 23 Comments

 

Trackbacks

(Trackback URL)

close Reblog this comment
Powered by Disqus · Learn more
blog comments powered by Disqus