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Okay, all you blog stars. According to my watch, it’s 7:57pm, so let’s get this show on the road.

Just wanted to warn you all about a few things. I’m not going to get into all the high-brow, deep thought type stuff behind all the movies tonight. I’m not going to get all hoity toity and start examining anything from atop some perch, like some film snob. I’m not going to analyze characters and how they were developed and how the director brought out their best performance and all that jazz. I probably also won’t spell most of the nominees’ names right. When I wrote my post today over at blue girl, I didn’t even know who half the people were! I linked to photos of them, so I would know who they were and those who are out there who may be anything like me, might know who they were when they grace up with their presence tonight up on The Stage.

Boy, that was a jumbled sentence.

Get used to those, too.

The show’s gonna start any minute! Yay! Can’t wait.

Cut! For just a few minutes.

Cute penguin intro. Loved the Bush impersonation. Ok. This may be going on a tad too long, but I’ll give it a chance. A car from Cars. Cute. But, I never saw that. Get used to me saying that alot tonight too.

Ok, that was cute, but not glamorous. I want glamour! Where’s the glamour? There’s the red carpet! Nicole’s got a giant red bow on her shoulder. Not sure about that.

Ok. There’s my boy, Leo. Love him now, after I saw The Departed. He’s not in a tuxedo. Black suit, black tie.

Lisa Ling’s on. Ok. Nicole looks good except for that bow. She’s gorgeous though. The Skimmer thinks she’s too pale. Pasty. I think she’s gorgeous. Who’s with her? I missed it. Who is that? She looks pretty too.

You’re going to hear a lot of shallow comments from me tonight, too. Another warning.

That was a totally cheesey thing they did for Jennifer Hudson. I’m was not into that. She looks pretty. And I’m glad she’s come as far as she has. American Idol or no American Idol.

Steve Carell’s on. He’s great. In a tuxedo. That’s good. Do you think he’s jealous of Steve Colbert? I wonder about that. Even though he’s had his own success. I *loved* the 40 Year Old Version. Loved it!

Oooh! The Nominee Wall! What’s that? Emily Hunt’s blue dress is divine. Divine! I like the b/w one too. See, I should know that girl in the b/w dress. And the red one’s great too. So far “strapless” is the look of the night. Lots of strapless. I know you’re probably not complaining, right?

Thank you so much for your brilliant work! Now go away! We have other cheesey things planned!

Cut! Commercial break.

We’re back. Question? I thought this show started at 8? It’s 8:18. When does it start? Really start?

Who is that being inter…oh. It’s Penelope Cruz. Gorgeous. Gorgeous! Please note the strapless style. I’m calling it now. Strapless is the style of the night.

Will Smith and his wife, Jade? Jada? Her dress is awesome, too. This guy interviewing is getting on my nerves! Listen to how he’s talking! Enough!

Cameron Diaz. Gorgeous. White Strapless. I know I’m being shallow, but what am I supposed to focus on now? All the deep thoughts they’re spewing? Don’t think so.

Eddie Murphy and his date, Tracey Edmonds. Love her dress. Eddie looks good. Missed the Barbara Walters interview. Eddie Murphy looks so uncomfortable! I hate when I feel uncomfortable because they feel uncomfortable!

Notes ON A SCAN. DAL! This guy is too much! There’s Cate Blanchet. Love her. She’s so great. Pretty brown, sparkly dress. So far the women are dressed beautifully. Should I say something about the men?

They all look good. All black and white, and tie-ish. That’s all I got.
And we’ve got so much more to come!

Cut! To commercial.

There’s Marky Mark. Mahtee’s de best. Yeah, de best. I don’t think he should’ve been nominated. Just saying. I think he pushed his role in The Departed too much. I read somewhere that his part was written poorly. Maybe that was it. Whatever. Still don’t think the performance was worth a nod.

Sombody had to TELL Kate Winslet that she’s been up for 5 oscars so far? Really? I don’t buy that. Do you? What a crock. She looks good. Pretty dress. I like the sweeping scarf hanging down her back. Lisa Ling doesn’t know how to wrap that up.

There’s Helen Mirren. She’ll win Best Actress. Wanna bet? Anyone? I’ll bet ya! She’s the classiest lady. Look at her! Wonderful.

You know, these actors have got to hate this part of this business. They would have to. Being asked these dumb questions by these totally scripted people. Ick.

Thank God that’s over. I wish I would’ve known. I wouldn’t have started so early! I’m traumatized!

*****

Ok! Here we go! The real shoe begins.
This little clippy thing is good. But, it’s hard for me to watch and listen and think about what to write and type and JUDGE THEM ALL.

I liked the girl who just screamed. I would love to be so happy to scream like that!

I don’t know who all these people are, and it’s inside baseball, but it’s cute. It’s fun. A little long, maybe though?

Okay, let’s get this baby going.

I love Ellen.

Ellen says that her hosting is a dream come true. Bet it is.

My dream has always been to Live Blog The Oscars. God. I’ve come a long way, baby.

No one can fill a seat like an American. Yep. Good one.

Aw. The little girl from LMS, she’s so great. So great. I hope she wins.

Ok. I’m still glad for Jennifer Hudson, but I’m a little over the whole backstory already.

Liberal crowd? In Hollywood? Applauding for Al Gore? Pshaw! O’Reilly will love that! All the right wing heads across the land are exploding at this moment. Wish we could get that on film.

Ellen’s going political.

I wish I was nominated for something so they’d celebrate me. Oh well. There’s always next year.

On a scale of 1 - 10, I give Ellen’s intro a 6. (TW says lower…now that I think about it, I agree. Maybe a 4.)
Oh my God! Nichole Kidman is gorgeous! Oh man! (Get used to this. This is the kind of stuff I’d be yelling at the TV, with The Skimmer yelling back — Yeah!)

LOL! The Skimmer just stuck his head in the door: “Oh man. She’s really something!”

Do I know him or what?

Pan’s Labyrinth won for Best Art Direction. An underrated category and skill, I think.

Maggie Jill*In*Hall. I have no idea how to spell her name. She looks pretty, too. Ok. I’ve got to focus on other things. Let’s focus on her brother, Jake. He’s pretty.

I’m Blue Girl In A Red State. And THIS is the Live Blogging of The Oscars.

Cut! Commercial break.

Look at Will Farrell! LOL! Nice Hair! Oh my God! Jack Black, the man without any shame. At all. No shame!

They’re hysterical. Marky Mark loves his badass rep. He’s getting on my nerves. Ok, I need to lighten up! I won’t cut Marky Mark down again. I know there are people who love him. Whatever.

That was fun! Loved it.

Nominees for achievement in make up will be celebrated right now.

And the Oscar goes to: David jdkfjdkjfdkfjdk and fjdkfjdkjfdkfjdkfd for Pan’s Labyrinth. It’s a Pan’s Labrinth sweep so far. I heard it’s really dark. I bet I’d like it.

She just said how heavy the award is. Did I ever tell you guys that I worked for the company that actually made the Oscar awards? The actual awards? That was fun. It’s been about ten years ago.

I’m sorry Judi Dench is having knee surgery.

On her eyes.

That’s too bad.

Look at these cute kiddies! So cute! Aw!

Let’s celebrate the Nominees for the Best Animated Short!

And The Oscar Goes To: The Danish Poet!

Let’s celebrate the Nominees for Best Live Action Short!

And The Oscar Goes To: West Bank Story!

Well, Claire Helene’s not asking what the short films are. She knows! She went and saw them all the other night. Make sure you read her post about it.
You’re reading The Live Blogging of the Oscars! Right Here On Newcritics!

Cut! To commercial.

Oooh. This choir thing is cool so far. Fun. Great! The way they cut that plane into it. I should probably know what that’s from, right?

That was great.

Well, there are two cool guys. Steve Carrell and Greg Kinnear.

Let’s celebrate the Nominees for Best Sound Editing:

“Apocalypto” (Buena Vista)
Sean McCormack and Kami Asgar

“Blood Diamond” (Warner Bros.)
Lon Bender

“Flags of Our Fathers” (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by Paramount)
Alan Robert Murray and Bub Asman

“Letters from Iwo Jima” (Warner Bros.)
Alan Robert Murray and Bub Asman

“Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” (Buena Vista)
Christopher Boyes and George Watters II
And The Oscar Goes To: “Letters from Iwo Jima” (Warner Bros.) Alan Robert Murray and Bub Asman

Let’s Celebrate The Nominees for Sound Mixing:

“Apocalypto” (Buena Vista)
Kevin O’Connell, Greg P. Russell and Fernando Cámara

“Blood Diamond” (Warner Bros.)
Andy Nelson, Anna Behlmer and Ivan Sharrock

“Dreamgirls” (DreamWorks and Paramount)
Michael Minkler, Bob Beemer and Willie Burton

“Flags of Our Fathers” (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by Paramount)
John Reitz, Dave Campbell, Gregg Rudloff and Walt Martin

“Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” (Buena Vista)
Paul Massey, Christopher Boyes and Lee Orloff
And The Oscar Goes To: “Dreamgirls” (DreamWorks and Paramount) Michael Minkler, Bob Beemer and Willie Burton

Rachel Weisz is absolutely, to die for, knock down, drag out, beautiful! Love that dress.

Nominees for Best Supporting Actor:

Alan Arkin in “Little Miss Sunshine” (Fox Searchlight)

Jackie Earle Haley in “Little Children” (New Line)

Djimon Hounsou in “Blood Diamond” (Warner Bros.)

Eddie Murphy in “Dreamgirls” (DreamWorks and Paramount)

Mark Wahlberg in “The Departed” (Warner Bros.)
And the Oscar Goes To: Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine! (I totally called that one.)

Aw. Alan Arkin started to choke up. That was sweet.

Ellen! Stop lying to Marky Mark. Ellen’s talking to Scorsese. I love her way. She’s so funny.

Ok. This show’s dragging a little bit. How can you get snarky with beautiful people who are totally behaving themselves? We need an Indian to come out or something.

I like this clip for The Departed. Well, I really liked The Departed. And I think I might have been wrong in my post over at blue girl today. That song was Gimme Shelter. My apologies to Sean.

Sweet Baby James Taylor. Always sounds good to me. Wonder what Jeddie’s going right now? Hiding up in the attic?

I’ve always like Melissa Ethridge, too. Great song. Why aren’t they flashing to Gore? What’s Gore doing at this very moment? Is he kind of acting like he’s dancing in his seat? I want to see it? Why aren’t they showing him?

Oh, that’s why. He was back stage.

There was Jerry Seinfeld!

The Oscar’s have officially gone green. What does that mean?

It means that, um, I missed it. Go to Oscar.com and it’ll tell you what it means and how you can do your part.

Gore did a pretty good job at that! And wouldn’t have been great if he actually DID announce that he was going to run again? I know all you lefty liberal heathens would’ve loved that.

Best animated feature film of the year:

“Cars” (Buena Vista) John Lasseter

“Happy Feet” (Warner Bros.) George Miller

“Monster House” (Sony Pictures Releasing) Gil Kenan

And The Oscar Goes To: Happy Feet!

I like this writing clip.

I haven’t written one page, I’ve written one page 46 times.

You ain’t no writa, fink.

I”ve got an idea! First good one I’ve had in four months!

Put your money on love!

I love that!

The end.

Done!

Tom Hanks is a little mouthy lately — anyone notice? I mean, still in his nice guy way, but still!

Best Adapted screenplay:

“Borat Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” (20th Century Fox)
Screenplay by Sacha Baron Cohen & Anthony Hines & Peter Baynham & Dan Mazer
Story by Sacha Baron Cohen & Peter Baynham & Anthony Hines & Todd Phillips

“Children of Men” (Universal)
Screenplay by Alfonso Cuarón & Timothy J. Sexton and David Arata and Mark Fergus & Hawk Ostby

“The Departed” (Warner Bros.)
Screenplay by William Monahan

“Little Children” (New Line)
Screenplay by Todd Field & Tom Perrotta

“Notes on a Scandal” (Fox Searchlight)
Screenplay by Patrick Marber

And the Oscar goes to: “The Departed” (Warner Bros.) Screenplay by William Monahan

This guy’s on valium! Well, here’s a fun part! What will he do, what will he say? Do something! Something! How many pills would that guy have to take to have some kind of effect?

There’s Jack. First shot of the night. Unless I missed a previous shot.

Oooh. Here’s the music. You’re outta here, Valium Guy.

Man, I was hoping Valium Guy would’ve done something. Stumbled. Tripped. Stuttered. Stammered. Drooled.

Something!

We need some controversy, people!

And I just skimmed the comments. Please read high up in the posts. I DID NOT like the bow on Nichole’s dress. C’mon. Who do you think you’re dealing with?

Can I just start making stuff up? We need some action here, people. This thing is a goody too shoes snooze fest so far.

(Jim, at least the screenwriter had something to work with…valium!)

Achievement in costume design:

“Curse of the Golden Flower” (Sony Pictures Classics) Yee Chung Man

“The Devil Wears Prada” (20th Century Fox) Patricia Field

“Dreamgirls” (DreamWorks and Paramount) Sharen Davis

“Marie Antoinette” (Sony Pictures Releasing) Milena Canonero

“The Queen” (Miramax, Pathé and Granada) Consolata Boyle

And the Oscar Goes to: “Marie Antoinette” (Sony Pictures Releasing) Milena Canonero

That’s not surprising. Whenever someone’s got to make those huge poofy dresses and wigs and stuff, they win.

Milena Canonero is scared! Aw. She has the best tux on of the entire night. Great tie. I liked the way she called the Oscar “The Doll.” That was a sweet speech.

Psycho Couch Jumper’s on stage. Sherry Lansing’s up for something. I missed it. Oooh. Fatal Attraction. I watched the end of that yesterday. What a nutty movie that was! Glenn Close in the bathtub? You knew she was gonna come out of that water with the knife! Duh, Michael Douglas.

Oh my God! Don’t kiss and hug him like that, Sherry Lansing! He’ll want to marry you next!

Gwyneth Paltrow is on stage. Should I even say she looks pretty? I’m being so redundant. Oh well. She does, though.

Achievement in cinematography:

“The Black Dahlia” (Universal) Vilmos Zsigmond

“Children of Men” (Universal) Emmanuel Lubezki

“The Illusionist” (Yari Film Group) Dick Pope

“Pan’s Labyrinth” (Picturehouse) Guillermo Navarro

“The Prestige” (Buena Vista) Wally Pfister

And the Oscar Goes To: “Pan’s Labyrinth” (Picturehouse) Guillermo Navarro

You’re outta there, Mr. Navarro. Take your wings and fly — fly, far, far away…

BREAKING NEWS!***BREAKING NEWS!***BREAKING NEWS!

This show’s kind of dull.

Jus sayin’.

I do wonder though. Would it be this dull if I was sitting downstairs on the couch? I need something! Anything!

Oh! Best Achievement in Visual Effects!

Now we’re talking…
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……

Just kidding visual effects people! We’re celebrating you!

Yes! We are!

Oh my! I’m behind. I’ll add that winner at a later time. After I wake up.

Was just reading through the comments…and Steverino said….

Woo hoo - they’re applauding the concept of “subtitles”!!!

Woo Hoo!! is right, baby!

…I wish a streaker would run across the stage.

Geez, Cate Blanchett is a skinny bone! Tiny, tiny. And TV adds 10 pounds! She must be twig-like in person. Skeletal!

…I’m going on a diet.

Best Best foreign language film of the year:

“After the Wedding” A Zentropa Entertainments 16 Production
Denmark

“Days of Glory (Indigènes)” A Tessalit Production
Algeria

“The Lives of Others” A Wiedemann & Berg Production
Germany

“Pan’s Labyrinth” A Tequila Gang/Esperanto Filmoj/Estudios Picasso Production
Mexico

“Water” A Hamilton-Mehta Production
Canada
And the Oscar Goes to: “The Lives of Others” A Wiedemann & Berg Production Germany

Did he thank Arnold?

Here’s George Clooney. Will he do anything besides look good? The drinking joke wasn’t that funny. Guess not.
Onto the Celebration!

Performance by an actress in a supporting role:

Adriana Barraza in “Babel” (Paramount and Paramount Vantage)

Cate Blanchett in “Notes on a Scandal” (Fox Searchlight)

Abigail Breslin in “Little Miss Sunshine” (Fox Searchlight)

Jennifer Hudson in “Dreamgirls” (DreamWorks and Paramount)

Rinko Kikuchi in “Babel” (Paramount and Paramount Vantage)

And the Oscar Goes to: Jennifer Hudson

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

These two are serious, introducing the documentary. They are interesting and not to be fooled with. You can tell. I wouldn’t fool with them.

And the Oscar goes to: The Blood …

I’ll fill that in later…Seinfeld’s on.

Ok. He was funny. Was he? Was he? Am I desperate? He talked about “The Deal” with movie theaters and us. Hey! I just talked about “The Deal” between people who are driving together somewhere, only in different cars! Geez, he and I would get along so good.

An Inconvenient Truth wins for Best Documentary!

Red America laughs.
Ah-ha-ha-ha!

That guy’s psyched though, isn’t he?

Thank you Al.

Clint looks good. Doesn’t he? You hearin’ me, people? I feel all alone up here!

I don’t hate Celine like a lot of people do, but she shouldn’t purse those lips like that! TW, that was a world premier performance of that song? Was that it? Wasn’t that earth shattering. Just my opinion.

Yeesh. I was just in the middle of saying something really original and important and my computer crashed. What was it? Hmmm. What? Oh…

Hugh Jackman and Penelope Cruz are gorgeous.

See what you missed cuz my computer crashed? What you had to wait for?
Missed that last award, too. Best original score? I’ll have to look it up later.

Jack totally shaved his head. Wonder why.

Best Original Screenplay:

“Little Miss Sunshine” (Fox Searchlight)
Written by Michael Arndt

I watched the Spirit Awards last night and he basically made that same speech. Not that I’m judging. I’m jus sayin’

Ok! Here’s a fun game! To follow are the Top 10 movie quotes of all time! Wow! Did you think I’d drop this surprise on you? How fun am I? Name all the movies that the quotes come from and you’ll win a special surprise! A winner every time! Try your luck! Just leave your answers in the comment thread! C’mon! I mean, how fun is this?

1. Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.

2. I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.

3. You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.

4. Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.

5. Here’s looking at you, kid.

6. Go ahead, make my day.

7. All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up.

8. May the Force be with you.

9. Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.

10. You talking to me?

Don’t strain your brain too much! I know they’re really hard. But, try your best. Remember, you’ll get a prize….just drop your answers in the comment thread.

Where’s Viscount? He would totally know #5.

Update on The Academy Awards!

Jennifer Hudson and Beyonce are singing. They both look gorgeous and the music is mediocre.

Back to the game above.

HINT: They guy who said #6 was interpreting Spanish earlier on stage. Just trying to help!

Geez. Love to give you a hint on #8, but I’ve never heard such a crazy thing in my life. What is this Force that they speak of? It’s beyond me.

Ok. Back to the The Big Shoe.

With Barbarino and Queen Latifa…

Celebrating Nominees for Best Original Song: Melissa Ethridge for the song from An Inconvenient Truth. Is that the name of the song? I’ll have to look it up.

Ok! At least we’re playing a game now! TW’s got 8 out of 10 above, I think? Please don’t ask me to do math at 11:40pm on a Sunday night.
Hey! Who wants to see Halle Berry in her Catwoman costume?

And who wants to see a sexy photo of Viggo Mortensen?

My computer’s so slow tonight. Like this show. I missed the Best Editing Award because I was, well, whatever. I was trying to find a sexy photo of Viggo Mortensen. But, editing is extremely important! I never appreciated editors until I started doing TV commercials. And they’re normally cool people, too.
Jody Foster’s on. She looks good and I’ve always thought she was so smart. You don’t hear any crud about her in the tabloids. She’s a pretty stand up girl.
Man oh man. It’s almost midnight and we’ve got a few biggies to go, don’t we?

I feel bad that Martin Scorsese is going to win his Best Director Award at one of the most boring awards shows I have ever seen! My God! What is the deal?

What? Am I going to be snarky about Philip Seymour Hoffman? Like what? Dude, you were so lame in Twister?
Best Leading Actress! Finally!

And the Oscar goes to: I’m calling it first.

Helen Mirren in The Queen. Posting now before they announce!

I’m so right.

All the time.

And the Oscar goes to: Helen Mirren for her performance in The Queen

OH.

MY.

GOD.

That announcer guy just said…

…And now it’s going to get interesting.

Is he on glue?

So, they planned interesting to arrive at 12:05am?

That is interesting.

Ah, Reese Witherspoon looks pretty. What a shocker though, huh? For me to say one of the beautiful girls looks pretty?

Ok. Here we go with Best Actor In A Leading Role

I’m totally pulling for Leo for his performance in The Departed. (I got an email from a friend that Leo was NOT up for his role in The Departed. Whatever! That does not mean I wasn’t pulling for him to win for that role.)

LOL!
Or Peter O’Toole. (Betcha P O’T wins)
And the Oscar goes to: Woah!

Big surprise of the night! At least to me. And the Oscar went to: Forest Whitaker in “The Last King of Scotland”

Nicest speech of the night. Besides Helen Mirren. And b tween, The Skimmer totally agrees with you.

Ok, here’s comes Best Director…

And the Oscar goes to: Martin Scorsese for The Departed.

You know how that voice over comes one and says some little tidbit about the winner once their name has been announced. Am I being crabby when I say that that has gotten on my nerves all night?

The audience is totally into Scorsese winning. I bet The Siren’s happy!

I liked that little moment, that little hug, between Martin Scosese and Jack. Cool old codgers.

Jack and Diane … reminds me of a song.

Best Picture:

“Babel” (Paramount and Paramount Vantage)
An Anonymous Content/Zeta Film/Central Films Production
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Jon Kilik and Steve Golin, Producers

“The Departed” (Warner Bros.)
A Warner Bros. Pictures Production
Graham King, Producer

“Letters from Iwo Jima” (Warner Bros.)
A DreamWorks Pictures/Warner Bros. Pictures Production
Clint Eastwood, Steven Spielberg and Robert Lorenz, Producers

“Little Miss Sunshine” (Fox Searchlight)
A Big Beach/Bona Fide Production
David T. Friendly, Peter Saraf and Marc Turtletaub, Producers

“The Queen” (Miramax, Pathé and Granada)
A Granada Production
Andy Harries, Christine Langan and Tracey Seaward, Producers
And the Oscar goes to: The Departed. (Called it.)
Stupid announcer person just said: Mr. Scorsese has said that it’s the first movie he’s ever done with a plot!

Gack!

Well, blog starlights and starbrights. It’s passed blue girl’s bedtime. I thought The Grammy’s were long. And they were. But, they gave me something to work with! I didn’t have to link to Halle Berry in her Catwoman costume during that live blogging session.

Here are just a few random thoughts on The Big Shoe.

Too long. Too boring.
Ellen wasn’t as good as she could’ve been. Nowhere near.

Why did Jack shave his head?

Marky Mark needs to get over himself.

Everyone looked beautiful and were much too well behaved.

My post above is a mess. I’m going to clean it up. Can’t stand it looking that way.

Um. That’s about it. It wasn’t much of show to live blog, but I sure do appreciate all of you who showed up! And the ones who didn’t will have a mark on their permanent record. Don’t think I didn’t notice! I did! I. Totally. Did.
Just kidding. I would win an Oscar for biggest whiner in a live blogging presentation, don’t you think?

Well, that’s it, folks.

That’s a wrap.